My roommate asked me all the time, why I always sent emails, why I always draw and cross the date on my calendar, why I this, why I that. She kept asking me the same thing simply because I couldn't give her the answer she wants. I don't even know the answer myself.
That night right after the minor car accident, I wanted to call him and tell him immediately. But I couldn't. He is somewhere near Japan. He is not near any islands therefore he couldn't get the signal. I got so frustrated, I bang my door and cried so loud. So bloody loud until all my freaking housemates heard me and assume I was being traumatized by the accident.
No, its not okay. I cried because I hit the point where I am tired of being tough in front of everyone. Tired of working things out for someone else. Tired of studying. Tired of everything. I am frustrated and I need him to be there and he couldn't. But I really don't bother explaining it to all of them. For a second, I could feel that they thought my boyfriend was just a Snuffleupagus. For those who doesn't know what is a Snuffleupagus or never watch Sesame Street. (which is so sad of you ), it is a character from Sesame Street and for many years, Big Bird was the only character on the show who could see Mr. Snuffleupagus. The main adult characters teased Big Bird when he said he had seen the Snuffleupagus, because they did not believe there was such an animal. This concept was meant to echo the existence of imaginary friends some young children have.
the two brown-elephant-look-alike are Snuffleupagus.
And for all I could ever lie for, a million thousand things. Definitely not Bryan but then again I really don't bother to explain at that moment.
I deleted some intimate pictures we both took and posted in facebook and no, intimate does not mean nudity. It was because I found out that Utar checks every students' profile and blogs and twitters and myspace and friendster and every freaking social networking sites. Even big companies does that too, who knows my future boss might be looking at my words and photos and etc. Serious shit okay.
The worst thing is, this is Bryan's career. He might continue working on the ship, sailing to all over the world, earning a mountain tiny hill of golden bars cash and I could be Siu Lai Lai. But then again, I might be all alone without my husband. WTF la. God, please give me the strength. In fact, give us the strength to make it through.
By the way, it's 101 more than till his return. ( yes i am serious about counting the date. f)
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